I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
