so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
