...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
