very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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