you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
