oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
