Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
