Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
