I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i think my cat just said my name.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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