I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
