i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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