My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
