exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
