hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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