He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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