All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
