considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
