She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
