i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
