she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have already put on my inside pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
