this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
