I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
