Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
