Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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