remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
