I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
