He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
