Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
