She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
