she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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