Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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