well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
