so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
