She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
