You made me cry and you don't even care
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
