Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
