Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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