At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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