she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
