I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
