I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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