the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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