So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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