my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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