I just pynch a tree in the face
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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