I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
