I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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