he was CRYING into my vagina
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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