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She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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