so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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