see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
