Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
