rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
