I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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